Phillipians 4:4-8

4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

I am trying to hang on to this verse. Today I'm feeling anxious. I think its a combination of many things. The Dr's office called today and wanted to move Kara's appointment to tomorrow instead of next week. It's fine, but it just makes me realize that we have to really decide when we are going to do the surgery. Because Kara is covered under my COBRA insurance, it's very expensive. But we aren't able to get on a different insurance until this surgery is "off her record" The insurance guy said that anything like a pending surgery will cause other insurance companies to not accept you. Kara's pediatrician said that it's probably a good idea to go ahead and do the surgery so she can have better coverage. He said that there is a higher risk driving down to the Children's Hospital in San Diego, then the actual surgery. But he also said that for elective surgeries most Dr.s wait until a baby is at least 6 months old. It's so hard to make decisions like this. I never realized how much anxiety would come with having children. After Kara was born and they told me that something could be wrong, it felt like my heart stopped. It felt like I couldn't breathe until someone told me she was all right.

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” ~Elizabeth Stone

That is just how it feels. I don't know how other parents deal with their children being hurt or sick. Kara's small defect is just cosmetic (Thank GOD), there are so many parents dealing with other things like cancer, heart defects, life time disabilities... We are so blessed to have healthy children. I am so extremely thankful for that. My prayer everyday is that they would lead healthy lives. That God would protect them.

" When you have everything
You have everything to lose"~Ben Harper Diamonds on the Inside

The other side of the anxiety is the extreme joy and relief you feel when everything is well. When the nurse walked in with Kara after they did the ultrasound and told me everything was ok, I could have jumped up out of bed I was so happy. So relieved and joyful. My prayer is that there will always be relief from the worry.